I have read blog after blog and story after story from moms claiming to "tell the truth". The pure and simple fact is, most of you are not. If you are not admitting to locking yourself in the bathroom just to get ten minutes of peace, you are full of it. I love my daughter to death, but there are some things which really must be addressed.
1. I can only pretend to be interested in your games for so long. Eventually, I will simply find a great distraction.
2. I will never understand how you BEG me to watch a movie with you, and then decide to run and jump all over the damn place and ignore the movie
3. When you ask me for a happy meal, and I buy one, and then you don't eat it, that's really frustrating.
4. When you have a king size bed, tv in your room, dvd player, two different large toy boxes, and a gaming system, I do not EVER want to hear that you are bored.
5. Kids are assholes. They will call you fat, tell you they hate you, look right in your eyes while disobeying what you literally just said
6. They will inevitably either severely disrupt or completely obliterate your sex life
7. There will be moments which make it all worth it; there will be others where you swear it is just a moment of time until your significant other comes home and finds you rocking in a corner talking to the carpet, all of the fibers of which you have named.
8. I repeat myself more now than I ever thought possible. I am beginning to believe that children do not hear you until the frustration edges into your voice.
9. You will spend hours making an excellent, healthy dinner. They will spend the same amount of time complaining about how they don't like it. You will learn your lesson and make more macaroni and cheese and chicken nuggets.
10. No matter how many times you ask your child to do something calmly, your husband/wife never hears anything until you have raised your voice. Then he/she will get their panties in a twist and tell you how mean you are.
11. Men/Women are complicated in general. Some days you will love them, others you will have planned their murder and where to hide the body.
That is all for now.
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